Don’t Believe the Things You Tell Yourself at 4:30 a.m.

Sandra Deannza Newsome
3 min readDec 4, 2019
Photo by noor Younis on Unsplash

Don’t Believe the Things You Tell Yourself at 4:30 a.m.

Sometimes stress, worry and depressed moments get the better of you. You drag yourself through some days and feel light as air on others. You see the pile of things to do, the appointments and meetings to keep, the things others needs and the things you need for yourself. It gets overwhelming.

You are strong. You are driven. You are determined. You can get this done and be all you are meant to be. But…

There are those times when you go to bed — sometimes exhausted, sometimes stressed, sometimes lonely. You hope for a good night’s sleep so you can get to that long list in the morning. You know you have things to do. There is a report to write. A meeting to lead. Shopping. Articles to read. Food to cook. Drawers to straighten. Sales to make. Family gatherings to attend. Paper towels to buy. Oh, then there is going to the gym.

Then there it is…4:30 a.m. You are not quite awake but definitely not asleep. All of the little things start to creep in and you wonder why any of this (life) matters. You need to go to the dentist. You have to dig through mail you have been letting pile up. You need to send emails that should have been sent days or weeks ago. You have responsibilities that you are setting aside. You start to question your ability to be a responsible person. You wonder why you are abandoning yourself and the things you need to do.

You start to feel that itchiness of regret and lowered self-esteem. You feel anxiety crawl through your veins. You toss and turn and stare at the dresser, lamps, wall décor in your room and wonder what the point is to anything. You temporarily lose your sense of self.

This intrusion into your rest may last for thirty minutes, an hour or three. You finally fall asleep and this sleep may be fitful, full of weird dreams or more tossing and turning. Then, daylight filters into your room. You slowly open your eyes, remember those disturbances in the wee hours of the morning and feel a pain of regret. The regret is that you allowed yourself to burrow into that foggy haze of doubt. You drag yourself out of bed and into your kitchen for a cup of coffee, a soda, some water, a cigarette or some scrambled eggs. You need a moment to regroup and shake off the hangover of self-doubt.

But, once you turn it loose, you are back to where you need to be. You take a shower, get dressed, brush the night algae off your teeth and pull it together to get your day started. Although the dark, early morning struggle was rough, it has put things into perspective and you remember what you are made of and you let the power of this drive you to bigger things.

Don’t believe the things you tell yourself at 4:30 a.m. or 2 a.m. or any other early a.m. Those moments when the majority of the is asleep and resting for a big day — don’t believe yourself. This is just an exercise of visualizing your fears. We all do it from time to time.

Sandra Deannza Newsome

Part vagabond; part CEO — I believe telling and sharing stories are great gifts we can give each other. My writing interests are almost everything.